It’s GRIP launch week! 💛💛💛
Hi there,
It’s launch week for the international edition of GRIP! I’ve been looking forward to this for a very long time. The UK edition comes out this Thursday and the US edition is set to launch next Tuesday.
If you’re thinking of buying the book, it would mean a ton if you order it this week. Both preorders and orders on launch day are a huge help to up the visibility of any new publication. I’ve collected a set of gifts that you’ll unlock when you forward your receipt to me.
Getting some help and a fresh perspective
One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself is professional coaching—for your relationship and home life, wider family issues, or for your work. In the course of our lives, we teach ourselves all kinds of behavior. Lots of these patterns are smart and healthy, but some are not. And that’s when it helps to have an outsider, preferably someone impartial, lend you fresh perspective. Often you’ll get practical tools to not only recognize, but break out of unwanted behavior patterns—one step at a time.
This is a great thing to do when you get stuck.
Even better: do it before you get stuck.
Either way, expect some people to think that seeking help from a professional coach is a little weird. The consensus sometimes seems to be that we should all just muddle along on our own.
But I think it’s like learning to swim. We don’t leave that to chance. So why in the world should we leave our relationships—personal or professional—flailing in the deep end, when some simple instructions and a little practice can make all the difference.
With my new venture, Rise, we decided to do a session from the get-go. We put a lot out on the table. One of the things we saw was that when things start to go awry, it’s often because some form of projection is at play: We’re using our own history and ideas of right and wrong to interpret the behavior of the people around us. And that’s tricky. Because most of the time, something entirely different is going on. Projecting then threatens to blow up any relationship, work-related or otherwise.
One last thing before I share concrete suggestions: I am by no means a shining example in this department. Think of these pointers as the reminders that help me. I’m sharing them in the hope they’ll help you too.
Spend time together. Of course you can’t see eye to eye if you never speak to one another. So start with the basics: Make time in your calendar for a good talk. That’s why I’m a big proponent of one-on-ones at work, without a fixed agenda. My wife and I liked to go out to eat every other week, when that was still an option. (All credits to her, by the way.) And I put “Call Mom” in my calendar as a recurring appointment (Hi, Mom!).
Does that mean all spontaneity is gone? Perhaps. But if the alternative is that it doesn’t happen, then sign me up. Getting together is what counts.“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Read (or reread) this chapter from Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It’s so tempting—and easy—to talk when you could be listening. I like hearing myself talk as much as the next guy, but it won’t get you anywhere new. Try asking questions instead.
Assume people have the best intentions. Maybe you have a coworker who gets away with doing the bare minimum. Or who always seems to nab the fun projects. You could get the idea that someone’s out to sabotage you and your work. The reality is often quite different and far more complex that you could imagine from the outside. I mean, consider your own actions. How many stem from actively wanting to hurt others? To cause real harm? Almost nobody does that on purpose. Instead, all kinds of things play a role in how you act. Take the positive intentions of others as your premise, and you’ll make room for listening and understanding.
Have a good one,
Rick
produced by the language girl